


Unloved

by Stillreadingfanfictbh



Series: Larry One Shots [8]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Hatred, Unrequited Love, harry and niall arent together dont worry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:40:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24831760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stillreadingfanfictbh/pseuds/Stillreadingfanfictbh
Summary: harry runs away from baltimore and meets louis
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Niall Horan/Harry Styles
Series: Larry One Shots [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2162739
Kudos: 12





	Unloved

"I've been in a relationship where I loved someone more than they loved me back."

Harry and Niall have been friends for seven years. They lived in two different cities in high school but moved into an apartment together in Baltimore for college.

Niall lived in Alexandria, Virginia while Harry lived in Woodsboro, Maryland. They lived about two hours away from each other, but they texted each other all the time in high school and FaceTimed twice a week.

Harry and Niall meet at a birthday party in 8th grade. Harry was invited to the party out of pity. He wasn't really popular in middle school, so the mom of the kid, Jessica, who was throwing the party invited Harry when she saw him sitting alone in the school parking lot waiting for his mom to pick him up. Jessica was not happy to see Harry there, but Harry's mom begged him to stay for the whole party. She wanted him to get out of his comfort zone and make friends. Niall is Jessica's second cousin. Niall and Jessica were never close, but Niall's mom forced him to go to the party.

Harry was sitting uncomfortably in a corner when Niall just came up to him and started talking nonsense. Their friendship took off from there and Harry left with Niall's Instagram username and his cellphone number.

Harry and Niall took trains to each other that whole summer. They became best friends quickly and continued to be best friends throughout high school.

Harry found out he was in love with Niall in his freshman year of high school. He and Niall had been friends for almost a year, and to celebrate they decided to take the train to Baltimore and hang out in the city for the day. Niall had always told Harry that he was gay, but that day, when they were walking around the city, Niall told Harry that he thinks he pans.

Harry knew what it meant. He was exploring his own sexuality at the time, he also had a Tumblr. So when Niall came out, kinda, Harry came out too. Harry told Niall that he thinks he's gay. Niall accepted Harry immediately, obviously. They bought two rainbow flags that day and hung them in their room when they got home. Harry knew that day that he was in love with Niall.

At first, he didn't want to say anything to Niall about it. But Niall had started dating this girl and Harry was jealous. Obviously Niall could tell Harry was upset and questioned him about it until he told him.

To which Niall responded immediately with, "I love you, Harry, but not like that."

Then they changed the topic and that was that. They stayed friends and nothing was awkward. They carried on and they didn't talk about Harry's feelings for another year. But the Niall started dating someone else, his name was Jeff and Harry still got jealous. Harry was distant every time Niall talked about Jeff or sent selfies of him and Jeff. The longer Niall and Jeff dated the more upset Harry got.

During one especially depressive episode, Harry told Niall again that he was in love with him.

Again Niall said sadly, "I don't love you like that, Haz. You're my best friend."

They left it again. This time for two years. Harry tried to date some people, but it never worked out. They never compared to Niall. They went to college together and moved into an apartment together. And it was great mostly, Harry loved living with his best friend.

But sometimes Harry would get so angry. Niall would get into these relationships and tell Harry everything about them. Niall would talk about how great their sex was, or about how cute their dates went or how nice his significant other family is. Niall knew how much Harry loved him. He knew how much talking about his love life hurt him, but he would still talk and talk and talk.

Harry cried a lot when Niall was in a relationship. Harry's friends did their best to comfort him, but their form of comforting was to go out and get drunk. Which made Harry sadder, and angrier at Niall. Then sad because Niall was his best friend. It's not Niall's fault he doesn't love Harry. Niall can't force himself to fall in love.

Harry stayed in love with Niall for seven years until Harry couldn't handle it anymore. After Harry graduated college he got really depressed, Harry didn't know that his life was going anywhere. He didn't know if his degree would be useful. He didn't know that he would fall in love. Harry didn't know if he would ever have a family. He didn't know if he would ever fall out of love with Niall. Especially not when Niall lived with him when he and Niall had their movie nights and cuddles. When they slept in the same bed together sometimes and when they kissed when they were drunk.

So three months after graduation Harry decided to leave Baltimore. He got a job offer as a music journalist for REVIEW in LA. They didn't have the best pay or anything, but Harry would be able to critique music and artist and write about what he loves.

Harry didn't tell Niall he was leaving, Harry left a note about how he couldn't handle it anymore. About how Harry loves Niall so much but he can't handle it anymore. He can't stand watching Niall with other people. Harry writes about how much pain he is in all the time. Harry doesn't tell Niall about where he is going.

Harry boards the flight and doesn't look back. Niall calls Harry, of course, and text him. He even messages him on Instagram and Facebook. Harry almost blocks him but decides against it. Harry ignores him though. Harry's other Baltimore friends call Harry, but he ignores them too. LA is a fresh start for Harry.

The first few months in LA are hard, Harry has no friends and no one to hang out with and talk too. He calls his sister and mom a lot (he had asked both of them not to tell Niall where he is). He lives like a recluse because he has no money, he eats a lot of cereal. He has Niall withdrawals. He misses Niall a lot. He goes out and gets drunk alone and wonders if leaving was really worth it.

Then he goes to work and does what he loves and it's okay for a bit.

Eventually, he does make one friend, his name is Liam, he is the assistant manager of REVIEW. Liam sits down with Harry at the small cafe across the street of REVIEW. They have a small talk for Harry's entire lunch break, then they walk back to work together. They do that for about a week until Liam invites to get drinks with him and a couple of friends.

Harry tries not to sound too excited when he agrees. It's just Liam is his first LA friend and he is going to make other LA friends. This is the first step to getting over Niall and leaving Baltimore behind.

The bar is only a couple minutes away from his apartment which is pretty convenient. Harry wonders are maybe Liam lives near him.

Liam waves at Harry as soon as he walks into the bar. Liam is surrounded by three other people.

Harry sits in the booth they are next to Liam. Liam says, "Harry, this is Zayn, Gigi, and Louis. Guys this is Harry, my co-worker, he just moved here from Baltimore."

"Baltimore?" The guy, Louis, says, "I've never been to Baltimore. What's it like there?"

"Well, it's dirty." Harry says, "and there's lots of crime. I got my car broken into like five times. But it's got good memories there, and a lot of, like, historical monuments."

Louis snorts, "Well that sounds fun, I guess. Why'd you move?"

"Fresh start, I guess." Harry shrugs, "I just graduated college, so now was a good time to go."

"Why'd you choose LA?" Zayn asks, popping into the conversation.

"I got a job offer from REVIEW and decided to take it." Harry says, "I've always wanted to see the west coast anyway."

"It must have been hard to uproot everything and move like that," Louis says.

"It was, still is." Harry replies, "I'm still getting used to it."

"Do you like LA?" Gigi asks, "I know that it's way different than Baltimore."

"I love LA." Harry grins, "everything just seems better. It's sunnier, so that helps a lot. Baltimore has a lot of rain. It's gloomy."

There's a short pause before Harry asks, "so what do you guys do?"

"Zayn and I are models," Gigi says, she sits up a little and smiles.

Harry can definitely see them as models. They are both very beautiful.

"I'm director," Louis says.

"For films?" Harry asks.

"Yeah," Louis replies, "My movies aren't, like, super known yet or anything. I mostly do short films."

"That's so cool," Harry says, "what are their names? I would like to watch some."

Louis blushes a little, "Uhm, you could probably just google my name, they'll show up."

"Louis actually has an event coming up." Gigi says, "he's gonna show one of his short films and then have drinks. You should come."

Louis nods, "yeah you should definitely come. It's next Saturday at, like, 8-ish."

Harry smiles and nods excitedly, "Yeah, I'll totally come."

There's kind of awkward silence before Liam asks, "Harry did you get a drink yet?"

"Uhm, no. I'll go get one now. Do you guys need anything?" Harry says scooting out of the booth.

"I'll go with you." Louis says, "I could use another beer."

They walk together to the bar and order their drinks.

"So what exactly do you do at REVIEW?" Louis ask.

"I'm a music journalist." Harry says, "so I research various artists or listen to their music and write about it. Sometimes the company pays for me to go to concerts and stuff."

"That sounds like so much fun." Louis grins, "I love music. What's your favorite kind of music?"

"With the job, I'm not supposed to be biased with different kinds of music." Harry laughs a little, "but honestly I really like pop or indie, maybe. Sometimes I'm really into pop-punk kind of stuff. What about you?"

"I don't really know." Louis says, "I like everything, lately, I've been listening to a lot of alternative music, I think."

"Like Mumford and Son's or Young the Giant type things?" Harry asks.

"Yeah, yeah," Louis says.

They get their drinks and go back to the booth. The rest of the night is filled with casual conversation and people getting drunker and drunker. Gigi and Zayn are the first to leave.

"They are probably going home for some alone time before Gigi leaves in the morning," Louis says waggling his eyebrows.

Apparently Gigi is going to London tomorrow for a whole week, leaving Zayn alone in LA.

Harry giggles a little but Liam sighs, "I should probably leave too."

"Ugh why?" Louis complains childishly.

"I get Bear this weekend, Louis." Liam says, "I probably shouldn't be hungover when he's dropped off."

"Whose Bear?" Harry asks as he scoots out of the booth to let Liam out.

"He's my son." Liam says, "but his mom and I are no longer together so she keeps him most of the time and I get him every other weekend and school breaks."

Harry thinks that Liam seems like he would be a good father. They say goodbye to each other and Harry sits back in the booth with Louis.

"You don't have a son or girlfriend to go home to, do you?" Louis asks, "because I was planning on staying for another hour. Being alone would put a damper in my plans."

"Uhm, definitely no son, no girlfriend for that matter either. And I haven't had a girlfriend since my freshman year of high school." Harry says with a small smile.

"So, you're a prude?" Louis says.

"No, just gay," Harry laughs.

"Ah I figured," Louis says, "but I didn't want to assume."

They talk a little more, then when they hear a song they both like they go dance. They go their separate ways an hour later.

-

The next week Harry is getting ready for Louis movie premiere (is it even called that if it's for a minor short film? Idk man). Harry does his best to dress nice but casual. Liam is picking him up and they are driving there together because it's on the other side of LA and Harry still isn't used to driving in LA. When he was in Baltimore he rarely drove and took buses and trains to get home.

"Are you going back to Baltimore for Thanksgiving?" Liam asks they were almost to the location that the premier is at.

"Nah, I can't really afford to travel right now." Harry says, "I'm not going anywhere for Christmas either."

Liam frowns, "that's kind of sad. What about your family?"

Harry's family is spending time with Niall's family for Thanksgiving. Harry should have known that they wouldn't have stopped being together just because Harry left. Christmas is usually the same since Anne is the only one living at home right now she is usually invited by Niall's mom to their house for holidays. Most of Harry's family lives in London, including Harry's sister.

So Harry tells Liam this, leaving out the Niall part.

"Well you can come over to mine for thanksgiving," Liam says, "I'm having my mom, dad, and one of my sisters coming over."

Harry shakes his head, "I don't want to intrude."

"You won't intrude." Liam reply's, "seriously you should come."

Harry tells Liam that he'll think about it. Honestly, Harry was planning on ordering takeout and getting drunk alone. Harry loves his family, and it isn't even the first time Harry has spent a holiday away from home. But it is the first time he hasn't spent a holiday with Niall.

No matter how hard Harry try's he still thinks about Niall.

Thankfully they get to the premier, Liam looks for a place to park but lets Harry out at the entrance. The parking lot looks busy, there are about 50 chairs set up and a few people are walking around. Louis sees Harry immediately and comes over to him.

"Hey, Harry!" Louis greets. Harry notices how happy he looks. He looks like he's in his element; his eyes are lit up, he greets everyone by name, he has perfect posture. It was like he was made to be noticed.

"Hey, Louis." Harry says, "you look great."

Louis really does look great. He's wearing a black suit jacket with silver sequins on the collars. He has a white shirt on underneath it and just a pair of washed-out jeans. If it were on anyone else it would look tacky, but Louis pulls it off.

"Thank you!" Louis is grinning, "you look great, too."

Harry honestly doesn't look as great as Louis, or anyone else at the party. He kinda feels a little dressed down. Harry doesn't say anything because Louis is taking Harry's arm and dragging him to where he is sitting. The second row of chairs in between, as the little printed out papers on the chairs say, Liam and Zayn.

Louis leaves Harry alone to go greet more guests. Harry stands awkwardly for a minute before he walks over to the small bar. He just asks for champagne, so he could at least feel fancy.

"You look lonely." A girl says walking up to Harry, she has short dirty blonde hair and thick eyebrows. She also has a rough voice, but she's beautiful.

"I am, a bit." Harry says, "I don't know too many people here."

"How did you get in here if you don't know anyone?" She asks.

"I said I didn't know too many not that I didn't know anyone." Harry sasses, "I'm friends with, Louis, I guess."

"You guess?"

"I had only met him about a week ago." Harry explains, "and we haven't talked much, but I'm also friends with one of his other friends, Liam, so I was invited."

The girl nods, "Well, Louis is a sweetheart, so if you don't know him well now, I'm sure you'll get to know him better later."

Harry isn't sure what she means but he nods his head anyways. Harry says, "so what your name?"

"I'm Cara, your's?"

"Harry."

The lights start to dim around them and Cara says, "well we should probably take our seats."

Harry and Cara go their separate ways and Harry takes a seat in between Zayn and Liam. Liam asks where Harry went and Harry held up his champagne glass as if to explain he went to get a drink.

Harry hears the people around him clap as Louis walks on stage.

Louis waves and says, "I'm going to try to keep my speech short so we can get straight to the film. Uh, thank you to all my actors and actresses who did exactly what I wanted without any complaints. You guys are absolutely perfect. Thank you to Want It All Enterprise and all of my sponsors for funding the film. Want It All has really helped a lot, they saw how my film could help young adults deal with their depression and realize that they could get help and get better. Essentially that's what I want this film to do, hopefully, it will help the audience see the effects of depression and how it isn't something to be romanticized. I also hope that it will help those who have depression or anything along those lines get help."

Harry and everyone else claps, Louis smiles again. He looks nervous, but not enough to ruin his speech.

"Thank you," Louis continues, "anyways, enjoy the film. Thanks for coming."

The room gets darker and the film starts. It starts off with a girl, who Harry realizes is Cara, crying on a walk back to her house. The film is honestly super sad, Cara is the main character who falls into a deep depression and kills herself. The rest of the film is about the aftermath of people trying to figure out why she killed herself. Harry cries like five times, and Liam and Zayn laugh at him for crying (how did they not cry! It's sad!)

It's last around 45 minutes and it ends with all these people going their separate ways and just forgetting about the girl who killed herself. Honestly, it pisses Harry off, like, they shouldn't all try to forget about her.

Liam and Zayn get up to congratulate Louis. Harry goes back to the bar to get another drink.

"Did you like it?" Cara asks walking up to Harry.

"Yeah, I cried like a baby though, and the ending kind of pissed me off." Harry says, "They should have found a way to, I don't know, remember her instead of just trying to forget."

Cara shrugs, "they didn't want to remember. It was too sad for them. When they grow up and become more mature they'll remember her."

Harry nods, "you didn't tell me you were an actress earlier."

Cara shrugs, "it didn't come up. Plus I'm only acting in short films. It's not like I'm getting major roles."

"You were really good, though," Harry tells her.

She blushes, "thank you."

They talk a bit more until Louis and the boys come up to them. Harry tells Louis about how great his film is and they talk a bit more. Liam tells Harry that he has to go home soon, so they should be saying their goodbyes.

Harry was having a good time. Cara was funny and nice, and Harry really enjoys talking to Louis. Harry pouts, "do we really have to leave?"

Liam nods sternly, he definitely looks like a dad when he does that.

"I can take him home." Louis says, "if you want. I mean, I have to help put everything back to the way it belongs so it may be a while, but if you wanna stay and help out I'll take you back."

Harry nods and grins, "that sounds great! Liam is that okay?"

Liam shrugs, "if that's what you want. I'll see you Monday at work."

Harry says goodbye and gives him a thank you for driving him here, then goes back to his conversation. Harry spends the rest of the nice with Louis, and it's fun. Louis is hilarious and generous and beautiful. Zayn leaves about an hour after Liam left, and everyone else seemed to leave after that. Louis, Harry, and some other people helped put away the chairs and pick up some trash.

The car ride back is fun too, Harry and Louis listen to a lot of the same music so they basically jam out together in the car.

"I live right here," Harry says before Louis drives by his apartment complex.

Louis pulls into the parking lot, "thanks for coming tonight, and for helping clean up."

"No problem, I had fun, and your film was great, seriously you're talented," Harry says.

"Thanks." Louis pauses and he says, "can I have your number?"

"Uh, yeah, yeah." Harry says, pulling out his phone and opting it, "just go ahead and put your name into the contacts."

He finishes typing on Harry's phone and hands it back to him, "I just wanted it for future reference when I work up the courage to ask you on a date."

Harry's eyes widen and he blushes and says, "oh, well, uh, now you have my number."

Right in front of Harry, Louis takes out his phone and text Harry a message saying will you go on a date with me?

Harry blushes and laughs, then text back, yes.

-

They go on a late Tuesday afternoon. They just went to the park and had a picnic. It was very cute and very romantic.

They went on another date Saturday to the movies.

Then the next Wednesday to a flower festival an hour away.

After that Louis asks Harry to be his boyfriend. And everything is great, Harry is so happy to be Louis boyfriend. Harry is happy to be friends with Liam, Zayn, Gigi, and now Cara.

Harry even spends thanksgiving with Louis and his huge family in Nevada. Louis's mom loves Harry, and Harry loves the babies. Harry isn't sure how the older twins feel about Harry, but Lottie and Fizzy liked Harry right away. They invited him back for Christmas too. Christmas at the Tomlinson's is literally the happiest time of the year.

Louis and Harry go back to Harry's apartment after Christmas to spend a few days holed up in there before they have to go back to work on Monday. Harry loves spending time with Louis. Days spent just cuddling up next to him and watching movies are some of Harry's favorite days.

Which is what they were doing when they hear a knock on Harry's apartment door.

"Were you expecting anyone?" Louis asks scooting away from Harry.

Harry shakes his head. His eyebrows squint together in confusion. "Maybe it's Joanna."

Joanna is Harry's neighbor who sometimes comes over to ask for butter. But when Harry opens the door, it isn't Joanna, it's Niall.

"Oh," Harry says, he frowns right away and looks Niall over. Niall doesn't look much different but his hair color is back to his natural brown.

"Harry, oh my god," Niall exclaims, pulling Harry into a hug.

Harry just lets Niall hug him, but doesn't hug him back. In fact, Harry stiffens up.

"I almost didn't think that ma gave me the right address, but it turns out I just knocked on the wrong door. You have very nice neighbors." Niall rambles, "fuck, I'm so happy to see you. I thought that I would, lik—"

"Whose at the door, Haz?" Louis asks, walking over to Harry at the door.

Harry doesn't reply to Louis but finally asks Niall, "how did you get my address?"

"My mom gave it to me. She got it from your mom," Niall answers.

Louis notices Harry's stony look, and he wraps his arm around Harry's waist and pulls Harry close to him. Louis feels Harry relaxes a little against him.

"I told my mom not to do that," Harry says.

"My mom just wanted to send you a gift. She misses you too." Niall says, "We all missed you over Christmas. I have an entire suitcase full of gifts for you."

Harry notices the big gray suitcase next to him.

"Is this your boyfriend?" Niall asks.

Harry's nose flares, "I don't think that's any of your business."

Niall sighs, "can I come inside? I just wanna talk to you."

"No." Harry says, "I think you should go."

Niall frowns, "I just spent $500 to come to see you, Harry, you could at least let me inside."

Harry glares at Niall, "I never fucking asked you to come to see me. In fact, I'm sure that I told you not to see me."

"In that letter. You think that a letter would stop me from seeing you when I got the chance?" Niall says, "I haven't seen you in six months! You haven't even texted me back! I've called you a hundred times."

"Uhm, Haz, maybe we should take this inside." Louis says tugging on Harry's arm, "we don't want anyone to make a noise complaint."

Harry sighs and walks into his apartment, Louis follows him and Niall stand awkwardly by the now-closed door.

Harry anxiously does the dishes and Louis wraps his arms around him and stands on his tiptoes to put his chip on Harry's shoulder.

"What's wrong, Harry?" Louis asks softly, "who is he?"

Harry shakes his head, "just an old friend from Baltimore."

"I got that much." Louis scowls, "I mean who is he to you?"

Harry lets out a shuddery breath and turns away from the sink to face Louis, "I'll tell you everything, Lou, but not now. Not when Niall is here."

Louis sighs and nods. He gives Harry a kiss on the nose and asks, "do you want me to tell him to leave? I'll punch him in the face if he tries to stay."

Harry runs his fingers through his hair, "yeah, yeah. Please make him leave."

Louis nods and walks out of the kitchen to tell Niall to leave. Harry hears Louis and Niall talking, bit he turns on the sink to finish the dishes so he doesn't hear what they are saying.

A couple of minutes later Louis comes back into the kitchen. He turns off the sink and gives Harry a dry hand towel to wipe his wet hands on. They walk into the living room and sit on the couch together.

"Uh, Niall and I have been really good friends for almost eight years, Uhm, but I was in love with him for a long time." Harry says, tears already forming in his eyes, "I don't love him anymore I swear. I-I really like you, Louis. I don't want him back in my life."

"You told him that you loved him?" Louis asks.

Harry nods, "I told him, like, 5 times over the last few years. Sometimes it felt like he felt the same as other times it would be so obvious that all we would ever be is friends. I left because I couldn't handle feeling like he was stringing me along all the time. I didn't want to be stuck on him my whole life. I wouldn't have been able to get over him if I lived with him."

Louis sighs run his fingers through his hair, "you just left? You didn't tell him where you went?"

"I wrote him a letter. I told him not to worry about me." Harry says he's crying now, "I told him how shitty he made me feel daily. He would kiss me when he was drunk and cuddle me and I couldn't handle it. After I graduated college I got really depressed, so something had to change."

Louis just nods, he stands up from the couch and grabs his coat, wallet, and keys from the countertop. Harry follows his with a steady stream of tears rolling down his cheeks.

"I just need a minute to think about this," Louis says. Harry notices how sad his eyes are.

"Please don't leave," Harry sobs, "please, he doesn't love me. I don't want him to love me. I want you. I love you."

Louis shakes his head he is facing away from Harry when he says, "we've only been dating for a few months, Harry, you don't love me. Don't say anything you don't mean."

"Please don't leave." Harry whispers, "please stay."

Louis turns around to face Harry, he grabs Harry's hands, "I'm not breaking up with you, Haz, I just need to clear my head. I'll be back."

Harry nods but doesn't feel convinced. "I really do love you, Lou."

"I'm sure you think you do." Louis says with a frown, "but how am I supposed to know if you mean it? How do you go from loving him for years to just stopping and loving me?"

Harry doesn't say anything. He doesn't know how to make Louis believe that he really does love him. Harry spent years and years loving someone who doesn't love him back. He is sick that, he wants Louis, who he loves, and who actually might love Harry back.

Louis shakes his head and walks out the door.

Harry is left crying in his apartment.

Harry spent years and years feeling like no one would love him. Feeling like he wasn't worthy of love, but Louis can love Harry. Louis leaving makes Harry's chest ache. Harry sobs, he feels like a total fuck up. He can't make the one person he wants the most stay.

Louis said he'd come back Harry repeats in his head, he'll come back.

Harry falls asleep on the couch waiting for Louis to come back.  
-  
Harry wakes up to a knock on his door. Hoping that it's Louis, he rushes to the door and opens it quickly.

It was Niall. He has a serious expression on his face and the suitcase full of gifts with him again.

"Please talk to me." Niall begs, "let me in. Let's have an adult conversation."

Harry doesn't have the energy to say no. He's disappointed that it wasn't Louis at the door.

Harry opens the door wider as a silent invitation. Niall slides the suitcase in and walks in beside it. Harry closes the door and goes to sit on the couch, Niall follows him, leaving the suitcase beside the door.

"I'm sorry I made you feel so terrible these last couple years," Niall begins, "I knew that you loved me and I never brought it up and tried to ignore it. I always thought that was the best option, I thought that not talking about it would help you get over me. I was wrong."

"Those last few weeks, before you left, I knew there was something wrong. I knew you were upset, but I never talked to you about it and I feel like shit knowing that I was the one causing you pain. I-I wish I could go back in time and change everything." Niall continues. Harry sees that his hands are shaking and his voice it tight.

For a moment Harry is happy that Niall is in pain because of Harry. Maybe over the last couple of months, Niall has been feeling a portion of what Harry felt over the years. Still, Harry doesn't say anything and just lets Niall talk.

"I see why you left. I understand why you left and I'm not angry at you, anymore. I used to be so angry that you would leave me alone in our apartment, with our group of friends. Our family, Harry. I was so angry that you didn't even come to Christmas, my mom asks about you all the time and I can't say shit. Gemma and Anne just look sad when you are brought up. When I first got a flight here I was going to come to yell at you, to tell you to come home, at least for a visit." Niall says, "but when I came, I realized I didn't have my right to yell at you. Coming here was the best thing for you, I'm happy that you are taking care of yourself. Your mental health. I'm glad that you found a boyfriend that loves you."

Harry shakes his head, and whispers "he doesn't."

Niall looks confused, "he doesn't what?"

"He doesn't love me." Harry crying again, "he left me last night."

"He really likes you, Harry," Niall says, his eyebrows are scrunched together and he looks like he's concerned for Harry. Niall goes to touch Harry in an attempt to comfort him.

Harry flinches away from him, "don't touch me."

Niall pulls away. He sighs a little and wipes at his face. Harry can't tell if he's crying or if he's exasperated. Niall doesn't say anything else.

Harry try's to pull himself together. He evens out his breaths and wipes the tears from his face and tries to sound strong when he asks, "did you say everything you needed to say?"

"I just—" Niall pauses and takes a deep breath, "you don't have to talk to me anymore after this. I'll stop texting and calling. I just felt like I needed closure. I guess it was selfish of me to seek you out like this, but you should go home to see your family every once in a while. To see our family. I won't be out of your life completely, because our families are too close to each other for that, but I can avoid you. This can be the end of us."

The way Niall says it hits Harry the wrong way. He isn't sure how he feels about Niall avoiding him.

Harry runs his fingers through his hair, "maybe we shouldn't avoid each other, but I don't think we will ever be as close as we were after this."

Niall nods, "maybe, Uhm, maybe I should go? I think you need time to think about this, and, uh, you should talk to your boyfriend about everything."

Harry nods, he stands up and Niall walks towards the door and pulls Harry into a hug. Harry hesitantly hugs back.

"I hope you enjoy all the gifts we got you. I have a flight back home tomorrow morning." Niall says, "Uhm, so this might be the last time we see each other for a while."

Harry nods again, he isn't sure what to say to Niall. Would "goodbye" sound too rude? He can't say "see you soon" because he knows he won't.

Niall nods and walks out of Harry's apartment with an awkward wave. Harry sighs and shuts his door, he's alone again.

Harry slides the small carry-on suitcase into his room and lifts it onto his bed. He knows that the gifts aren't from his family members because they all sent their gifts through the mail a few weeks back, so the gifts must be from Niall's side of the family and Niall.

Harry should have assumed that the Horans would have sent him gifts. Harry sent them four or five gifts so obviously they would do the same. Plus, in his teenage years, Harry seemed to spend more time at Niall's house than his own. Niall's mom was basically Harry's mom and vise versa. Harry loves Niall's family, even when he and Niall aren't communications.

There are four presents wrapped in Christmas paper and a gift card. He reads the card first. He tears up a little, he recognizes the handwriting as Niall's mom, she explains that despite whatever happened between he and Niall she still loves Harry like he is her own and that he will always be welcome at her home. She also explains that she understands that Harry has been struggling with Niall, but she hopes that Harry will still visit and not forget about them.

Harry lets out a shaky breath and puts the card away, he should probably call her soon. He really does love Niall's mom and Niall's whole family. He opens the gifts, one of them is a big quilt that Harry knows was made by Niall's grandma who passed away a couple of years ago. (Harry sniffs it sounds weird, okay but it smells like Niall's family. Niall's house. God, he always loved it there.) The next gift is a small one, it's a knife set, for cooking. Harry laughs a little, he knows that Niall's brother gifted him with these. Greg owns an IKEA, so he has a habit of gifting his friends and family with kitchen things.

Then there was a beer opener and a gift card to Starbucks (from Niall's dad). The last gift Harry was a framed photograph of Harry and Niall's family together with a few Christmas's ago. The frame was handmade and pained on it were the words don't forget where you belong.

Harry cries as he throws away the wrapping paper. He hangs up the framed photo in the wall right across from his bedroom door and he sprawls the quilt over the back of the couch. He sets the knife set up in his kitchen. When he was done cleaning up he takes out his phone and he calls up Niall's mom.

Harry sobs the minute he hears her voice through the speaker. Harry tells Niall's mom about how sorry he was and how much he loves her. He tells her that he'll see her soon and talk to her more. He thanks for the gifts and it was so nice just to talk to her, Niall's mom was always honest with Harry in a way that his own mom and his sister weren't. They talk on the phone for an hour while Harry tells her about his new life in California and she tells him about what has been going on in her life.

They hang up exchanging "I love you's" and "talk to you later's." Harry feels much better after talking to her like a weight has been lifted off of his shoulders.

Only to be slammed back onto his shoulders because the second he hangs up he thinks about Louis. About how he promised to come back and how he hasn't. How Louis hasn't called or texted Harry.

That night Harry falls asleep on the couch again. His heads towards the door hoping that Louis will come knocking, even though Harry knows that Louis wouldn't come at night. His back will probably be fucked up in the morning but, he really doesn't want to miss the slim possibility of Louis coming by.

Harry waits around the house all day the next day too, even though he desperately needs groceries. Even though he should probably take his laundry to the laundry mat across the street. At around 8, two nights after their argument (would it even be called an argument) Harry almost gives up. He's officially decided that he is undeserving of love. That he was too worthless to be loved. That no one wants to be with someone who runs away from their problems.

But finally, after what feels like an eternity of self-pity, there's a knock at the door. Harry didn't even bother to get up from the couch, if it's Louis then he'll let himself in. He has a key anyways.

It is Louis because Harry hears as the key slides into the keyhole. He hears the click of the lock and he hears the door open softly. Harry doesn't even bother to turn his head away from the blank screen of the T.V. Harry's mind if a broken record of "he doesn't love me's" and "I don't deserve to be loved anyways" and, the worst one "who's to say I won't fuck this up too?"

Louis sits down next to Harry on the couch. They weren't touching, Harry doesn't remember a time that they didn't touch on this couch. They were always entangled in each in some way.

"I want to apologize." Louis says, "I realize that I had no reason to leave. But I was scared because you suddenly tell me that you were in love with this guy who flew all the way across the country for you, I was intimidated and insecure. Then you tell me that you just up and left him with only a letter. That really shook me up." Louis says, "I'm not even sure why it hit me so hard. Because I know what we have, our relationship isn't what your relationship with him was like."

Louis pauses and turns to looks at Harry, who is actively trying to avoid looking at Louis in the eyes. Instead, he looks at his hands in his lap.

"Look at me, please, Haz. This next part is important." Louis says. With one hand he grabs one of Harry's own hands and holds it tightly. Louis places his other hand gently under Harry's chin and moves his head so that Harry is looking at Louis. "I love you. I won't leave you again. I promise."

Harry lets out a breath that he didn't know he was holding and he lets tears slide down his already red cheeks. "I love you too. I'm sorry you had to find out about everything like this. I wanted to tell you, I just could never come up with the right words and after time it just seemed pointless to bring up."

"I would never do what I did to him to you. I promise." Harry pauses and a tear falls from his face, he lets out a choked sob when he says, "But please don't leave me like that again. I've never felt so worthless, so unloved, in my life."

Louis cries too, and tugs Harry into his arms, "I'm sorry, I won't leave you again. I promise."

end.


End file.
